Many of us feel the magnetic pull of something within us we can’t quite explain. There’s a question that looms larger and larger: Who am I? It’s becoming more insistent. We can all pull quite a long list of things out of our pockets, but intuitively we know our list isn’t answering the question.
Just try it. Ask yourself, “Who am I?” When you’ve exhausted your list, sit quietly for a moment. Do you feel that tug? Something is still asking, “But, who am I?” You can produce another list, things you may have forgotten: a man, a woman, a human being, an Earthling, a Christian, a Hindu, a mother, a father, a son or daughter, a neighbor, a friend, an accountant, a police officer, etc. But the tugging is still there. The question remains. Its inexhaustible.
Feel the pull. It’s there for a reason. Follow it. Dare to answer the question. At some point you’ll become bored or tired of creating with more adjectives. You’ll find you’re left only with, “I am….[silence]“.
If you look at the long list you’ve produced to search for something you may have forgotten, something will happen. You’ll realize what you’re looking at is a story. A story of who you think you were, are, or want to be. But the question is still tapping you on the shoulder, unanswered. And it wants an answer.
In exhausting yourself, however, you’ve made some beautiful discoveries. The story you’ve produced isn’t complete. If you can be honest with yourself, you know intuitively this story isn’t true. It was created by you. And it’s utterly false. You know this because You are reading the story. Who is this reader? Who is this You?
Welcome to the rabbit hole, Alice. You’re about to go on the grandest journey of your life. Without knowing it, you’ve already sipped from the bottle labelled “drink me” and you’re holding the golden key. On this key is a tag, and it say, “I am…”.
“I am…[silence],” the last answer to your long list of who you are is the white rabbit. Follow it. Follow it the with ceaseless curiosity of a child. But there’s one rule. Regardless how tempting your experiences and discoveries, no matter how wondrous, don’t touch any of them. Don’t sneak one into your pocket, for if you do, it will disappear into your story; the story which isn’t true.
Follow until “I am” begins to dissolve. Don’t worry. It won’t leave you alone and lost. It’s taking you home. “I am” will become “am”. You’ll feel your Self growing and growing until no house can hold you. Not even the house of your mind. But don’t stop. As long as you can see the rabbit’s tail, you’re not quite there.
Follow until “am” disappears. Nothing at all remains. Not even You. There’s only the infinitude of the Truth, fully aware. You have answered the questioned. The pulling has ceased. You are the living answer.
As you crawl out of the rabbit hole you’ll find that the fragrance of a vast abiding peace and love is all around you. Look for its source and find it comes from you. Eventually someone will ask you, “Who are you?” and you’ll find you can’t answer. There are no words because the living answer can’t be spoken. You can see it there in the eyes of the one who’s asking you; a curiosity ignited. You’ll probably choose a line or two from that story you’ve written your whole life to satisfy the situation. And that’s okay. You know the Truth. And we’re all a little mad here.